


Is This Thing On?

by onward_came_the_meteors



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Ferrets, Fun, Gen, Hogwarts, Humor, Interviews, Muggle Studies, Muggle Technology, My father will hear about this, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, Not Canon Compliant - Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban, One Shot, POV Third Person, Ratings: G, Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-27 11:03:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,644
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21391090
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/onward_came_the_meteors/pseuds/onward_came_the_meteors
Summary: "This is my video, and the first person I'm going to interview is Hermione Granger."***************Harry has a video camera and a sheet of questions--now all he needs are people to answer them.The things he does for extra credit.
Comments: 6
Kudos: 29





	Is This Thing On?

Most of the time, the Gryffindor common room was empty at noon, with all the students rushing to the Great Hall to have lunch. Today, however, was different. 

"Okay, so this connects here… but then where does this go? Here?" Harry Potter muttered to himself as he fiddled with a pile of cords and other electronic equipment that surrounded him. 

"Let's see. Easy-open packaging." Harry tried to rip it open, but the package stubbornly remained closed. "They should really re-label these things," he decided, pulling out his wand. "Diffindo!" 

The package gave a half-hearted hop, but still did not open. 

"Harry, what are you doing?" A voice behind him almost made him poke himself in the eye with the end of his wand. 

"Oh! Hi, Hermione." He glanced up at her from his cross-legged position on the floor. As usual, she was carrying a huge pile of textbooks for their after-lunch classes. "I'm just trying to open this. The label says 'easy-open' but that doesn't mean anything." 

Hermione frowned and crouched down, setting her books on the floor and holding out her hand for the package. Harry sighed. 

"You can try, but I just used a Severing Charm on it and that didn't do anyth—" 

Hermione pulled a tab on the bottom of the package. It popped open. "I meant 'what are you doing with all this electronic equipment, which A) is against the rules and B) shouldn't be able to work in Hogwarts anyway." 

"Excellent point." Harry began pulling pieces out of the package and clicking them together. Kind of like Legos. Of course, he'd never really gotten to play with Legos that weren't the old, broken, cast-offs from Dudley, but… "So you know how you quit Divination last year, and then Ron and I also quit because we're supportive friends and also that class was boring as heck?" 

"Yeah…" 

"You didn't have this problem 'cause you were already in a million classes, but Ron and I need to replace Divination with another class. And Ron's dad wanted him to take Muggle Studies, so I also signed up for Muggle Studies—"

"You were raised by Muggles—"

"Look who's talking!" At Hermione's look, Harry hastily continued. "Anyway, because both of us missed last year, we have to do an extra credit project, and this is mine." 

Hermione gazed around the room. "Is this a video camera?" Harry nodded.

"I'm supposed to make a video interviewing people to prove that I can use Muggle electronics." Harry shrugged as if to say hey, extra credit.

"Huh. Wish I'd known about this, I'd like some extra credit," Hermione said. 

"You don't need extra credit." 

"Yes, but that could change, and—" 

"You can help me if you want," Harry offered. Hermione brightened. 

"Really?"

"Sure." Harry connected the last piece to the video camera and set it up on its stand. The cord dangled loosely from his hand. "Uh… something tells me Hogwarts doesn't have any electrical outlets." 

Hermione pulled out her wand and muttered something. A flash of light, and the plug leapt from Harry's hand and floated in midair, emitting a strange humming noise. 

Doubtfully, Harry pressed a button on the camera. It turned on. "How about that." 

"Don't start recording yet, we have to get in position," Hermione said, jumping into the nearest armchair. Harry followed, settling himself in a chair across from her and pulling out the list of possible interview questions. 

"Is this thing on?" 

Hermione pointed her wand at the camera. A red light began blinking. "It's on." 

"Okay." Harry shuffled awkwardly and looked at the camera. "This is my video, and the first person I'm going to interview is Hermione Granger." He glanced at the question sheet. "Um…Hermione—what—do—you—like—about—being—a—student—here?" 

"Quit being so robotic," Hermione whispered. 

"Sorry." Harry whispered back. "What do you like about being a student here?" This time his voice came out more normally, but he still sounded like he'd rather be in detention with Filch than here.

"I like all the classes, and I like being part of Gryffindor and the school as a whole. And the library," she added as an afterthought.

"Okay. Good answer." Harry searched for another question. "How is your homework this year?" he asked from behind the piece of parchment.

"Stop hiding behind the parchment, Harry," she whispered. "And yes, the homework is going well this year. I've started working on O.W.L. practice papers." 

"Wait, what? We're fourth years." 

Hermione shrugged. "No such thing as being too prepared." 

Oh well. Harry decided to ask one more question. "Are you in any clubs or organizations?"

Hermione beamed, and Harry could guess at her thought process a second before words came tumbling out of her mouth. "I've started my own organization called the Society for the Promotion of Elfish Welfare, or S.P.E.W, and it's about getting house-elves better working conditions and pay so they aren't treated like slaves. Actually, I meant to pass out more flyers during lunch…" 

Harry nodded as she got out of her chair and left through the portrait hole. "Uh, that was the first interview," he added to the camera, whose blinking red light indicated that it was still recording. 

He needed a new person to interview. Who could he ask? Maybe Ron—

Just as he had that thought, a figure with bright red hair opened the door to the boy's bedrooms and climbed down the stairs into the common room. It wasn't Ron, though. It was Fred. Or George. One of the two. 

The other twin followed close behind, and Harry called out to them. "Hey, Fred! George!" 

"Hey, Harry, what's up?" Fred asked, walking over to his armchair. 

"Did Hermione just leave?" George added. 

Harry nodded. "Yeah, why?" 

"Because we've been trying to advertise for Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes—"

"—but Hermione keeps taking down our flyers and threatening to owl Mum." 

"What's all this, though?" George asked, examining the video camera and various equipment strewn around the common room. "Looks like some of that Muggle junk Dad keeps in his garage." 

"It's stuff for a Muggle Studies project," Harry explained. 

"How does any of it work in Hogwarts?" Fred asked. Harry just shrugged. 

"Have either of you seen Ron?" 

"Last we checked, he was in the Great Hall." The twins spoke in unison. 

"Darn, I guess he won't be able to help me with this, then," Harry pondered. 

"Help you with what?" Harry and the twins turned around to see someone else climbing through the portrait hole. It was Ginny. 

"Project." After an impatient wave from Ginny, Harry continued. "For Muggle Studies, I have to make an interview video." 

Ginny shrugged. "I'll help." 

"We're in too!" George said, gesturing to himself and Fred. 

"Us first, though, so you move," Fred added, elbowing Ginny, who retaliated. 

Harry flipped the camera back on and waited for the three Weasleys to sort themselves into the armchairs. Both twins tried to sit down in the same chair and bumped into each other. After a brief shoving match, Fred got the seat and George perched halfway off the armrest. 

"So these are the second and third interviews," Harry narrated. He paused. "Interviewees? Yeah… interviewees Fred and George Weasley. Anyway, first question: what are your plans for after you graduate?" 

The twins shared a smirk. "We're glad you asked." 

Harry rolled his eyes, knowing what was coming. All of Gryffindor had seen this particular routine about eighty times. 

This time, George began. "Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes, everything a student needs from his joke shop. Fever Fudge—"

"—Puking Pastilles—"

"—Nosebleed Nougat—"

"—Fainting Fancies—"

"—and much, much, more!" The twins struck a pose, then relaxed back into their chair. "That's our ad, anyway." 

Harry nodded, scanning his eyes down the list. Oh—here was one that was perfect. "What's the best prank you've ever played on someone?"

"Oh, young Harry," Fred shook his head solemnly. "You have no idea." 

"It was the time that we got Percy—" George started, but then was cut off. 

"No one will ever know." Fred said this in a hushed voice and wiggled his fingers around. Ginny snorted. 

"Last question—do you like your siblings?" 

Fred and George looked at each other for a long moment, neither one breaking eye contact. Then, both at once, they faced Harry and spoke in unison.

"Yes." 

Harry grinned. "Okay, that was great. Ginny?" 

Ginny jumped up from where she had been tossing small scraps of parchment into the fireplace and walked across the room to the twins' chair. 

At that moment, the portrait hole swung open again, revealing Hermione and a stack of S.P.E.W. leaflets. 

Fred and George leapt to their feet, snagged what looked suspiciously like a Skiving Snackbox ad from the notice board, and vanished back upstairs into the boys' dormitory. 

"Hi, Ginny," Hermione said, ignoring the twins. She lifted her leaflet stack. "Either of you want to help me pin these up?" 

Harry and Ginny shared a panicked glance. 

"I was just about to help Harry with his project," Ginny said hastily. 

"Wait, weren't you going to work on your Charms essay this afternoon?" Hermione asked. 

Ginny slapped a hand to her forehead. "Holy—" 

"Tsk, tsk, sis, we can hear you up here!" either Fred or George called from upstairs. 

"—I forgot about that essay," Ginny finished, glaring at the ceiling. She slid out of her armchair and headed over to the girls' dormitory. 

"How's your video coming, Harry?" Hermione asked as she tacked up a neon yellow S.P.E.W. leaflet on the notice board. 

"Well, you did just lose me my interview," Harry said, gesturing to the stairs. 

"Sorry, but she does have—" 

The portrait hole opened for the fourth time, a much smaller figure popping out and scurrying into the room. 

"Harry Potter, sir!" squeaked Dobby the house-elf. 

"Dobby, hi!" Harry exclaimed. Dobby smiled eagerly and bounded forward. 

"Dobby is coming to see Harry Potter! And the lunch is all made for today, so Dobby had some extra time!" 

"That's great!" 

"And what is Harry Potter doing?" Dobby asked, peering around curiously at the video camera and cords. 

"Just an interview video." 

"Does Harry Potter require help?" 

"Actually—yeah, that'd be really helpful, Dobby," Harry said. At a look from Hermione, he added, "Do you mind being interviewed?" 

"Dobby does not mind doing anything for Harry Potter!" The elf beamed and bounced up and down. 

"Thanks. Sit there, okay?" Harry turned on the camera again as Dobby climbed into the recently vacated armchair, the seat of which was taller than he was.

"This is my fourth interviewee, Dobby the house-elf," Harry said into the camera. 

Hmm. He'd have to change the wording of some of these questions. 

"Do you like being a house-elf?" 

"Dobby does like being a free house-elf, Harry Potter! It is nice to work at Hogwarts, yes it is, much better than the nasty Malfoys. Dobby was not liking it when he is having to serve them." The elf shook his head so hard his ears flapped against the tip of his nose. 

"Well, you're doing a good job of saying bad things about them now, aren't you?" Harry asked, remembering the last time, when Dobby had to punch himself in the face. 

"Dobby is practicing," Dobby said proudly. Then the elf looked up at the magical clock on the wall and gasped. "Oh no! Dobby's free time is almost up, sir, and he is having to go back to the kitchens now!" The elf climbed over the armrest and jumped down onto the floor. 

"No problem, you've been a really big help, Dobby," Harry assured him. 

The elf grinned broadly as he dashed out through the portrait hole. 

Harry turned to Hermione, who had finished putting up her leaflets and was coming over to sit by him. "That should be enough interviews, right?" 

Hermione opened her mouth to reply, but didn't get the chance to say anything.

The portrait hole—which hasn't fully closed after Dobby left—was pushed ajar again, and a figure began to step out of it.

At first, Harry thought it might have been Dobby again—had the elf forgotten something?—but then he saw that this person was human, with slicked-back blond hair…

"Malfoy," Harry growled. "What are you doing in here?" 

"I snuck in when my old house-elf left," Malfoy said carelessly, looking around at the camera equipment. "But what is all this—this Muggle rubbish? Whatever you're doing in here can't be within the rules." 

Harry sighed. "Don't you have better things to do than stalk me around and try to catch me breaking rules?" 

"Why so worried, Potter?" 

"I'm not worried, I'm annoyed." Harry fiddled with the camera. "Go away, Malfoy." 

"Hmm…" Malfoy pretended to think. "Ah, no." 

Hermione stood up and made a motion like she was going to slap him. Malfoy jumped. 

"If you even think about—" he started, but then noticed the camera's blinking red light. "Wait. Potter, are you recording this?" 

Harry failed to suppress his grin. "Yep." 

"If anyone else sees that, my father will hear about it!" 

"You mean your father will hear about you being scared of Hermione?" 

Malfoy looked like he would like to say several things, but settled on "Get rid of that." 

Harry caught Hermione's eye and could almost feel the two of them coming up with the same idea. Hey, might as well enjoy this leverage while it lasted.

"We will… if you do something first," Hermione said. 

Malfoy looked more than a little suspicious. "What?" 

"You have to be interviewed for Harry's project. Then we'll delete the part where you jump back in terror." 

"I was not jumping back in terror," Malfoy muttered. 

"Well? Is it a deal?" Of course they weren't actually going to show anyone the video if Malfoy refused, but he didn't know that. 

"I don't suppose I have any choice, now, do I." 

"Excellent point. Sit there." Hermione grinned.

"I don't listen to Mudbl—all right, fine." Malfoy changed his mind mid-word and reluctantly sat in the chair.

"Ready?" Harry asked. Malfoy just glared at him.

"Question one: do you like being a Slytherin?" Why were these questions so basic? 

"Of course, it is the only worthwhile house." 

Actually, why stick to the basic questions when he could make one up?

"Question two: are you upset that Gryffindor keeps beating Slytherin?" 

Malfoy rolled his eyes. "Slytherin deserves to win." 

"Question three: what is your opinion on ferrets?" Harry couldn't resist that one. 

"I swear if you don't stop bringing that up—" 

"What's your answer?" 

"No comment." 

"All righty." 

"And that was the last question." Malfoy stood up and pointed a threatening finger at the camera. "If you don't delete that, my father will hear about it." 

With that, he stormed off. Then he had to get through the portrait hole, which was really hard to storm out of because you had to lift your feet higher, but once he got through, Harry could hear him continuing to storm down the hall. 

"What do you think?" he asked Hermione. "Should I hand this in?" 

Hermione laughed. "I think it'll do."

……………………………….

In the staffroom, the most popular piece of entertainment was currently a certain video.

"Rewind that part, Charity," Professor McGonagall said.

The Muggle Studies teacher obliged, and the professors were treated to another view of Malfoy jumping back from Hermione. 

"Are we ever going to punish him for being in the Gryffindor common room?" Professor Flitwick inquired. 

"That's Severus's decision, not ours," McGonagall answered. "We should assign more projects like this. I assume you gave Potter the extra credit?" 

Charity Burbage smiled. "I may have suggested that he make another one." 

From the corner, Dumbledore nodded, eyes twinkling behind his spectacles. "I always did like ferrets, myself."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
